I see you…when the thread unravels…

I see you…when the thread unravels…

I know you

I realize that we may have never actually met in person, but I know you.

I know you because we share the same defeated spirit.  Right now you are wondering if I am fuckin crazy and that’s ok, sometimes I wonder that myself. What I am trying to say is that at some point in our lives we have done too much. We have committed to too many things. At some point in our lives (or maybe multiple times) we have put our needs behind every other person we know. And we are fricken exhausted.

I’m not talking about the can’t move my body because I am so tired exhausted. I mean we are brain weary, I can’t remember what I was going to say let alone why I walked into this room exhausted. Our minds are toast and our soul is screaming for a break. But we don’t give ourselves one because that would lead to feelings of guilt, which would lead to more commitments, which leads to being overwhelmed and the fricken cycle continues and the thread unravels.

The thread unravels

Have you ever tried to thread a needle? Those little needle holes are ridiculous and as you get older it becomes more difficult (I digress). Here’s the thing; if you don’t have the end of the thread bonded together, it begins to unravel. As that thread unravels, each little tiny piece of material becomes it’s own monster and demands attention and before you know it, you have multiple strands everywhere and none are working together.

The only way to fix it is to cut the thread and start again.

Stop. Cut the chords. Start again.

Real Resentment

Additionally, I understand the impromptu anger that comes when you see the dishes on the end table or the socks laying unmatched near the front door. There are times when I think I am the only person who is able to see these items, although I am most assuredly not the one who left them there.

Resentment begins when we feel overwhelmed by the tasks laid before us. Unfortunately, resentment can sneak up on us, even when we are doing things we committed to doing. It isn’t something that we wear proudly, nor is it something we often talk about. I will say it. There are days that I struggle with wishing others would do more so I could do less. Furthermore, I want to stomp my feet and scream at the top of my lungs to “pick up the fuckin socks.” But I don’t and the thread unravels.

Gratitude

For years I didn’t talk about these feelings, as I felt guilty doing so. After experiencing miscarriages and difficult pregnancies, I know what a gift having a baby is. For me, complaining felt like an affront to being a mother. Now I see it differently and realize resentment and gratitude can live together in the same world. When I begin to feel resentful, it is time for me to stop, cut the chords and start again.

It is time to take care of me and ask the family to help out. It’s my job to teach my boys to become independent, not do it all for them. Although sometimes it is so much easier to just do it myself, I realize that isn’t helping any of us. And when everyone begins to pitch in, I feel gratitude overpowering those feelings of resentment.

I see you

So, girl, I see how hard you are working. And recently, I feel as though I have experienced every emotion these past few weeks. Wondering if I am helping my kids make the right decisions… questioning if I am supporting my husband enough… hurting for those around me who are hurting. I have been grateful beyond measure, followed by waves of grief and questioning. Parenting is hard…loving others is hard…watching those you love hurting is hard.

This is for you and hear me as I say this…“You are right where you need to be and you are doing an amazing job. Cut yourself some slack and just be present”. Your expectations of yourself are so much higher than the expectations of those who love you. Say that again and believe it in your soul.
Cindi

 

Motivation is intrinsic, or is it?

Motivation is intrinsic, or is it?

Resolutions

December typically draws out a feeling of regret from failed resolutions. Humor me and take a moment to look back upon 2018 and assess your goals. Now, be honest with yourself…did you meet them? Why or why not? For me,  this year was tough. I did NOT meet my business goals. Furthermore, here’s the hard truth. I did not meet my business goals as a direct result of not working hard enough. Ultimately, I wasn’t focused enough on what I wanted.

Ouch.

But that’s the truth. It wasn’t the lack of someone’s help or the result of my team not working. Consequently, it was me not doing what I needed to do to make things happen. So let me ask you again, did you meet your 2018 goals?

Motivation

On a positive side, I did meet some wellness goals, so that’s a win. However, I digress.

In truth, I used to wonder why people weren’t internally motivated. Naively, I also used to think that I could externally motivate people to make the changes they needed to. However, now I know better. Today, I realize that I can’t change anyone any more than someone else can make changes for me. That really sucks.

It sucks because I have many amazing ideas. I am chock full of motivation and inspiration. Furthermore, I may believe in you more than you believe in you, probably because I am not bogged down by the same old tapes that you are repeating.  I see through the bullshit to who you can be if you only trusted yourself to make it happen. If only I could do the same thing with myself.

Intrinsic

When you were learning to walk, you didn’t quit trying every time you fell down.  You got right back up and tried again (I love this analogy). That desire to move on two legs was intrinsic…it came from within. Somewhere in your life, you began to doubt yourself and those doubts are what is keeping you from reaching for more.

Tell those self-doubts to fuck off. You were created on purpose and you are NOT an accident. You have a purpose. What are you passionate about? Where are you when you feel the most alive? That’s what you need to do. Trust me, you aren’t too old and it isn’t too late. Dig deep, say some prayers and go for it. God wouldn’t put it in your heart if He didn’t want you to fulfill that dream.

Goals

It will still take work. You have heard the old cliche, that it begins with a dream. That’s true…however after that dream comes goals. Goals are brought to life when they are written down, so take a moment and free write what you would do if you weren’t limited by your own self-beliefs or current circumstances.

Now, write a workable time frame next to those goals. Be honest with yourself about what you can achieve and feel free to break the goals down.

Take a look at what you have done. You, my friend, have just created a plan for your dream to come to fruition. That takes courage and many people do not even get this far in their planning.

Go make it happen and let me know when you hit your first goal!

Let your voice empower

Let your voice empower

 

What’s in a story?

Everyone has a story to tell, however, too many of us silence the screams before the words are recognized or released. We downplay the significance of our experiences and tend to minimize the emotions as we smother them. We fail to see that our story is what makes us who we are, that each of our chapters is creating a beautiful tale to be shared with others…that perhaps our story will empower and give hope to someone else who is experiencing something similar.

We deny ourselves our voice when we deny our story. When we let the silence separate us from others, we inadvertently create voids rather than implementing building blocks. We create distance from those who could lift us back up. Unfortunately, with each building block, the walls become higher and our ability to reach out to others fades, leaving us feeling alone.

Lift one another up

What if we lifted one another up by releasing that voice and sharing our story? If we derived hope from one another? What if by reading someone’s story we learned how they overcame adversity and conquered their fears?

Wouldn’t that give you hope also? How empowering for the storyteller to know that their experiences are helping someone else while the benefactor gleens a spark of hope.

Hope for a better future. A chance to move forward and tear down those walls, brick by brick and word by word. With each release, a bit of light comes in and with each ray of light, there is a larger bit of hope. This is what we are doing. We are sharing stories and sharing hope.

Empower

Empowerment occurs when we use our voice. We speak up for yourself and we speak for others. Empowerment isn’t just a word, it holds the ability to provide hope for others.  There is a lot of power in that word when you use it wisely.

How will you empower someone today?

Do you have an empowering story to tell?  Send me an email and let’s chat about getting your story out for others to read!

 

Why you will never have success unless you change the outcome.

Why you will never have success unless you change the outcome.

 

Did you find success with your 2017 goals?  If you didn’t, let me tell you why. However, let’s first agree to define a goal as reaching toward something we desire.  Each January brings an influx of desires, wishes, and promises to ourselves and to others.  For example, every January, gyms are full of people who have resolved to get fit.  Maybe after binging on sweets and alcohol for the last three months of the prior year, they make a promise to work on their own wellness and undo all of the damage they did.

Unfortunately, getting out of shape didn’t happen overnight and it will take time to get back into shape.  Therefore, when the majority of people fail to see instant results, they become frustrated and stop trying.  Seems like the same can be said for nearly any resolution made.  Ultimately, we fail when our desire to change is overshadowed by our willingness to stay the same. Click To Tweet Consequently, here are my top reasons we fail and how to overcome our own objections to becoming successful in achieving those desired results.

You stopped caring.

Point blank.  Much as you may want to, you just don’t care anymore.  After all, you can buy larger clothes, save money by purchasing generic coffee, you can sleep later if you don’t have to be at the gym early.  Sound familiar?  Subsequently, when the effort to move forward becomes shadowed by apathy, you can kiss your goal and therefore success, goodbye.

How do you stay focused?  WRITE DOWN YOUR GOAL(s). Begin by putting your thoughts in writing and hang it somewhere you see it every day.  Better yet, make multiple copies and put them on the bathroom mirror, in your car, your purse, your pajama drawer, in the kitchen pantry.  Ultimately, this will be a constant reminder of your desired goal and help you to stay on track.

You didn’t believe in yourself.

You never believed you would be successful. Initially, you made a goal because you felt like you should, not because you actually thought you would reach it.  As a result, you wanted to test the waters and see how you would do without really putting in your all.  Sound familiar?

When I started my home-based business, I originally gave myself 3 months to find success…that soon changed to six months and now I am going on five years.  Why?  Because I realized that growth is ongoing and I am continually learning and pushing my own boundaries. There are times when I believe in myself wholeheartedly and there are times I feel as though I have no idea what I am doing.  So, how do I get back on track?  If you want to pursue this train of thought further, see my blog post on broken thinking and how to fix it.

Affirmations.

One of my favorite shirts says “fake it till you make it.”  You have to walk the walk and talk the talk.  I have learned that repeating affirmations truly does help me to believe in myself and what I am doing.  You truly have to envision your end result before you can even take the initial steps to reach that goal.

Pinterest has amazing affirmations for virtually any goal you are looking to meet.   I know it may feel awkward to use them if you haven’t tried them before, but trust me, once you believe in yourself, you become unstoppable!

You failed to make yourself a priority.

In January you were on fire and worked daily on meeting your goals.  You had post-it notes of your to-do plan everywhere you could see them and you talked about your goals to anyone who would listen.  However, February came around and you found yourself being drawn into more activities and by May, you had forgotten about your own priorities.

This is easy to do as we get busier and our calendars quickly fill up.  At this time, you begin to make yourself a priority by scheduling yourself in your planner.  This is critical if you find yourself slipping on your goals.  Find a time slot and book time for YOU…and keep those appointments.

You let other’s dictate your decisions.

We have all been there.  It is easy to succumb to the pressure of a good friend or loved one and we get suckered into an activity we are not so sure about.  Maybe it was a networking group or a business opportunity.  Perhaps it was a new gym or book club.  Regardless, we didn’t really think it through, however, we decided we would give it a go…because we felt pressured by someone else.

Here’s the scoop.  This will never work unless you are all in. Get out.  Say no. Let go of the guilt.  Bye Felicia.

You got lazy

Right?  Let’s be honest.  Sometimes it just takes too much effort to keep going.  It takes work to stay on task.  You must have vision, passion, and forbearance.  There must be a deep desire to want to reach a destination, regardless of the roadblocks or life events.  Things will happen.  Suddenly you become very ill or require surgery or you may experience an overwhelming loss.  You may doubt yourself and/or the process.  Regardless, YOU are the reason you have not successfully met that goal.

Every year more dreams die due to failure to continue the process than any other reason.  When we get lazy, we no longer care about the outcome, we stop believing in ourselves, we stop making ourselves a priority, we let others dictate our actions and we fail to meet our goals.

Do You really want Success?

Are you ready to make a resolution or two for the New Year? You are if you are committed to being a better you.  Resolutions and goals are promises to ourselves that we will do better because we deserve better.  What if we treated ourselves as we do a valued loved one?  Would you continually disappoint someone important in your life? No?  Why are you willing to do that to yourself? After all, you are responsible for your success.  Don’t leave that up to chance.

I invite you to go to: http://cindijeffrey.wtfitworks.com  and join the movement.  This is a free app that will provide you will motivation, fitness regimes, healthy eating tips, and opportunities to win prizes.  Remember, we are stronger together.  Feel free to send me an email via the contact form below to set up a free consultation to talk about your own 2018 goals.  I would love to help keep you accountable.

 

 

Help me be accountable!

6 + 9 =

broken thinking…5 ways to fix it

broken thinking…5 ways to fix it

Thoughts

They can be our biggest advocate or worst enemy.  These little reflections can dictate our behaviors without ever being seen by the naked eye. Thinking is continual within our stream of consciousness and until we realize the depth of our thoughts, we will never realize the power and control they have over us.  Broken thinking creates negativity and fear.  Until we consciously focus on our thoughts, we may have no idea where they are leading us.

Try this…sit quietly for a few moments.  Do NOT focus on the number of minutes or set a timer.  Refrain from anguishing about what else you should be doing.  Just sit. What did you think about?  Were you able to focus on one specific thought or did you jump from thought to picture, to list of things you need to do, to memories, to ideas?  This exercise demonstrates how much power thoughts have each one of us. Consequently, when those thoughts are continually negative they impact our lives in destructive and deplorable ways.

What did you think about?  Were you able to focus on one specific thought or did you jump from thought to picture, to list of things you need to do, to memories, to ideas?  This exercise demonstrates how much power thoughts have each one of us. Consequently, when those thoughts are continually negative they impact our lives in destructive and deplorable ways.

How to Fix Broken Thinking

  • Awareness.  Become connected with your thoughts.  How?  Become aware of those dysfunctional “old tapes”.  Many of us have a loop of old tapes playing continuously in our head.  Become aware of those triggers, those words, those thoughts.
  • Challenge them.  When those old tapes appear, challenge them.  Ask yourself if those thoughts are true.  Are you really fat?  Are you really not worthy of success?  Remember,  those tapes typically come from a negative influence in our lives, past or present.  So, challenge those thoughts.  Tell yourself, you are healthy and strong, you deserve this promotion, you will pass this test.
  • Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.  Rather than tell yourself you will fail the test, tell yourself why you will pass. You have studied, you are prepared, you are quick to learn new concepts.  This can also be done with affirmations.  Find affirmations that connect deeply within your soul and print them out.  Place them throughout your environment, so you always see them and be reminded of them.
  • Gratitude.  Practice a daily ritual of gratitude.  Every evening before you go to sleep, write down ten things you are grateful for. While you may find this difficult at first, the longer you practice this, the more quickly you will think of things to write on this list. When you fill your mind and heart with gratitude, it is hard to be negative and you begin to take note of the blessing in your life.
  • Remove the toxic people from your life.  When you surround yourself with people who love you and lift you higher, it is easier to be more positive and you begin to see what they see in you.  You will also increase notice energy as you will not be bogged down with the negativity and critical thinking of others.

You are Worthy

When you continually tell yourself that you are not good enough, not good looking enough, are fat, aren’t smart enough, you begin to behave as those thoughts dictate.  How differently would your life look if you changed the direction of your thoughts, therefore changing your actions?

You are worthy of loving and being loved.  Of growing and learning and being successful.  Be patient with yourself, as changing your thinking takes time, after all, it probably took many years to develop those old tapes.  Ultimately, the decision to change must come from within and on those occasions where you feel less than positive, fake it till you make it and keep moving forward.

 

 

 

 

 

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How to cheat Success and make it about YOU!

How to cheat Success and make it about YOU!

I am success. Not successful, rather, a success.

Isn’t that a bold statement?  How dare I put myself out there as being a success? After all, who am I to say that I am more of a success than you are? ME. Seriously, just ME. I am me and I alone know the challenges I have overcome. Click To Tweet I can choose to dwell on them or I can learn from those obstacles and make different choices in the here and now.

Success defined

Let’s talk about the word success.

Dictionary.com defines success as “the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals”.  If I honestly look back on my life and the goals I have achieved, I definitely meet the definition of success.  After all, I graduated from high school.  Trust me that was a success for being the person who rarely attended and dropped every class possible in order to have more time to “hang out”. Shoot, I even went on to attend college and graduate from grad school.

I think where we get caught up on whether we are successful or not may depend upon how competitive we are.  Stay with me here as I explain.  For example, if you neighbor purchases a brand new car and you are green with envy and berate yourself for not being able to afford that car, you may feel as though your neighbor is more of a success than you.

How do you know that said neighbor isn’t looking at your lawn and steaming with rage because his lawn looks so neglected next to yours?  Perhaps he wonders how you are such a success with your landscaping.  You have heard the expression “the grass is greener on the other side” and this is a perfect example of where that came from.  You may be thinking your neighbor has money to waste while he is wishing he had more time to work on his lawn.

Perspective

Here is another cliché…”life isn’t always as you see it”.  We all view our world through our experiences and our own perception of reality.  Here is also where we need to be careful because our perceived reality may be far from the actual experiences of others.  A little friendly competition is good for the soul; however downright jealousy and lusting for something someone else has is self-deceiving as well as self-defeating.

It’s easy to sit back and wallow in self-pity because we are not where we want to be in our life.  Here is some free advice.  STOP BEING A VICTIM!  You are the result of your experiences; however, it is up to you to change your life.

Self-Growth

I am a huge fan of Jen Sincero and I love her forthright honesty in her books (I may also have a little girl crush on her, so bear with me as I proclaim her greatness).  She is no nonsense and has lived through her own decades of doubt and self-destruction.  However, in her book, You are a Badass at Making Money; she spends a great deal of time talking about how we sabotage ourselves when we compare our lives to the lives of others.  Ultimately, her message is simple.  To achieve success, you have to believe that you are success.  I won’t share more of her message, however, I can assure you, it is worth the read!

Self-growth, ongoing education and challenging yourself are all instrumental in moving forward.  Our brains fight hard to hold onto our old thoughts and behaviors and I have referred to these as “old tapes“.  It is only by challenging those thoughts and behaviors that we will ever leave our comfort zones.  One way of doing that is by following people you admire.  No, I don’t mean to literally follow them; I mean follow them on social media, read their books, and watch their podcasts.

Another way to practice self-growth is to practice affirmations.  Find something positive that you absolutely love and paste it everywhere!  Use is as your screensaver and phone screen!  Put it on your bathroom mirror in lipstick and use sticky notes to put those affirmations all over your house and car!  Keep repeating that affirmation and “fake it till you make it.”

Let Go

Part of being a success is letting go of anything that holds you back.  For many of us, this is difficult as we feel guilty for closing doors on relationships.  Imagine this.  You are not closing a door, you are no longer allowing a person to control you or have influence over you. That is different than denying the person your company.

As you move forward, others may become uncomfortable.  As you step out of your comfort zone, you will have to find others who share your same vision.  You are not leaving others behind as much as you are creating a circle of influence to reach your next level.  Don’t be selfish and do not be afraid to reach out.  The truth is, you most likely have something to offer those around you, even if you don’t believe it yet.

Unfortunately, we are typically the last person to see our gifts and believe in ourselves.  When someone compliments you, accept it and file it away in your brain for those moments you are second guessing every decision you make.  In conclusion, let go of the negativity and embrace your dreams.  At the end of the day, it is up to you to make those dreams a reality.