While at the gym recently, a member asked me if I am fulfilled.
I have an advanced degree, I continually push myself out of my comfort zone and I routinely accept new challenges…but am I fulfilled?
What is fulfilled?
One thing I am is tired. Absolutely fucking exhausted. I tend to overextend myself and forget to stay in the moment. I feel as though I can do many things, however, I am not sure I do any of them well. Is that fulfillment?
For me, fulfillment is a sense of accomplishment. When I received my BSW, I was accomplished. I barely graduated from high school with a diploma, so receiving a college degree was pretty cool. However, I wanted more. For me, there is a sense of never reaching a goal because I keep changing where the golden ring is placed. I keep setting the bar higher and higher.
Is that a bad thing? I don’t believe so. I am not one to be content. I have an internal drive within me that pushes me to do more and be more. However, I am not afraid to stop and do nothing and sometimes I shut down and do just that. I restore, I connect with God, I connect with my family and I just let myself be.
But the next day I am up and moving toward another unseen goal.
Fulfillment in a title
For me, fulfillment is an illusion. It is something people strive for when they continue to push themselves into new and scary adventures. It is something external that they strive for. Perhaps it is confused with recognition or accolades.
For me, fulfillment is internal. What’s fulfilling for me is when my children recognize how hard their mom works. My boys often ask how many businesses I own or where I am working as I drive them to school. More importantly, my boys participate in my businesses and I hope I am teaching them a strong work ethic.
What I find fulfilling is when I hear my son tell me he loves me and he puts his little arms around my neck. I may be many things, but the golden ring goes to the title of being a mother. After years of being a child abuse specialist, knowing that I am impacting the lives of these living and breathing littles is indeed fulfilling.
Of all the titles, degrees and businesses I add to my name, being called mommy, mom, and mama are at the top of the list. And I will continue to strive to be what God has trusted me to be. And I will pray often for His guidance in helping me be who the boys need. Everything I work for is done around my boys. I am the first person they see when they awaken and I am the last person they see before they close their eyes at night.
For me, that is fulfillment. So in answer to my client’s question. Am I fulfilled? Yes, I can confidently say that I am.